A not-very-reassuring thought

What has just happened?! Core 1 Maths is meant to be the ‘easiest’ and I might as well have vomited on the exam paper… And question 7… *shudders*. That’s it; my dreams of a decent career are over.

Maybe it didn’t go as terribly as I’m imagining… And question 7 was only one of eight, right? And the others seemed okay. Maybe I’m over-reacting…

But I didn’t even have time to check it…

[speaking to self] Ruth, I’m sure you’ve done fine.

No. You really didn’t.

* * *

You’ve guessed it; Maths did not go well. I am bitterly disappointed and have spent the last 48 hours desperately reassuring myself that it wasn’t that bad. I’ve been fiercely batting away the negative uprising of maths misery and doubt with a more optimistic outlook. Just looking on the ‘bright side of life’, following the wise words of Monty Python back in ’79. Can’t be anything wrong with that, right?

Wrong. I have decided that this so-called ‘positive approach’ is the most counter-productive way to spend your waking and sleeping hours, like I have done since emerging emotionally lost from the exam hall. Although the positive approach appears innocent, it is actually a false path that steals your sanity. Negativity is like an amazingly energetic bouncy ball that will simply continue to jump right back in your face the more you hit it away. Or one of those annoying crocodiles at the arcade; its ugly head will just keep popping up to suck any positivity left. Basically the more you convince yourself that it is not the end of the world and things are not as bad you envisage, the more convinced you become that it is the end of the world and things are worse than you are envisaging. So you retaliate with the positive approach and Mr. Negative has a brutal comeback. And the cycle continues to spiral downhill…

Not only does the positive approach not work; it also wastes time. Learn from my mistake; spending a day and a half worrying about the past when I really ought to be revising for the fast-approaching Unit 2 Geography tomorrow is not the best idea. Neither is writing a blog post, but we’ll ignore that…

It applies to all walks of life, I think. It may be the best option to accept things as they are, rather than trying to fool yourself with the positive approach. The best way to prepare is to face things head-on. Take a cheating husband: upon suspicion, faithful wife should confront her partner abruptly, rather than convince herself there is no lady-on-the-side!

So, those are my thoughts, which I hope will serve as a cautionary tale for all. Hopefully, you’ll hear from me shortly, but if not, it’s probably because I haven’t survived exam season…

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